It seems to have been a particularly harsh week when it comes to interactions with the outside world. It made me think that maybe the root of all the problems in the world is that apparently, MANNERS have just gone by the wayside. The world seems to be full of incredibly harsh, rude people who seem to be so inconsiderate of others. Let me give you just a few recent examples that are high on my list of annoyances. Not necessarily in priority order!
- People who text and drive. This is one of the most selfish, inconsiderate, self-absorbed things that anyone can do. People seem to believe that texting and driving is all about them. It is not. It seems like every single day, almost every driver is texting. And if you are driving defenseless children around in your car and you put them and the rest of the driving world at risk, you are particularly and inexcusably ill-mannered and there is no justification for your behavior unless you are dialing 911 because you are choking or having a heart attack. So if everyone would just start a movement like Mothers Against Drunk Drivers and start reporting people who text and drive, maybe this madness will end. It sends me through the roof every time I see this and I don’t know why more people are not up in arms. You can also add tailgating and other road rage behaviors to this list.
- People who use the express lane at the grocery store when they have about 50 things in their cart and want to divide them all up and put them on two or more credit cards in separate transactions. Makes me want to take poison. How rude and selfish is this? The other day I gave someone the side eye because she did have 50 items in her cart and I had 3. Her response to my subtle, disapproving stare “Well, all of the regular lines were full so that is why I came to the express lane”. Need I ask the question–“What the heck do you think the EXPRESS LANE is for??????” Again, doesn’t anyone consider other people’s rights/feelings/needs anymore? How about some manners?
- Locker room behavior. Please wrap yourself in a towel. Enough said.
- Talking and other inconsiderate behaviors at the movies. And while you are at it, please don’t text, use your phone, crunch or make wrapper noises.
- Please do not change your baby’s dirty diapers on tables or other surfaces where people eat. You would think that this would not be on my list but it is because believe it or not it happens. The risk of serious disease to others who are unfortunate enough to use the table after you cannot be overemphasized.
- Saving places. Ok this is a huge peeve of mine. I am a person who likes to be on time or early for everything. School plays, movies, graduations. In other words, big events and little events. And when I arrive early to get a seat that I am thrilled with, I don’t put down every item of clothing I am wearing to save places for others who will be joining me. If my family or friends are attending an event with me, they are forced (not always happily) to show up with me. I cannot tell you the number of times that we have come and hour or two early for a big event (a college graduation sticks out in my mind) and literally, the entire auditorium has sweaters and programs and purses on the seats and there is not a human body to be seen. And there we are. Early arrivals ready to sit and not a seat in the place. It is the height of self-absorbed, entitled behavior to take away from others the right to have a seat when your companions are nowhere to be found.
- Miscellaneous catch-all paragraph. Any behavior in which you put yourself first and hurt, inconvenience, marginalize, or reduce or infringe on the rights of others no matter how insignificant you feel their right is. Period. IT IS NOT ALL ABOUT YOU. You know how there are signs in places where there are a lot of cyclists and the signs say “Share the Road”. How about a mental reminder every day to “Share Life” and “Share the World”.
So now a word about manners. I don’t want to sound like an old person because I have said over and over again on this blog that MEtirement is not about getting old in the traditional sense. It is, in fact, about evolving into a person who is NEW FASHIONED, not OLD FASHIONED. And yet, my years of experience have given me a perspective that I would not have if I had not experienced things much differently than the way things are now. I almost hate to start talking about the “olden days” because it reminds me of the times when my father would tell all these stories about life in early 1900’s when movies cost a nickel and he had to walk three miles in the snow to school.
Yet, all of the rude and selfish behaviors that I have been witnessing lately make me feel compelled to contrast the manners we were taught as children of the 1950’s and 1960’s with the current world which appears to be entirely devoid of manners (unless you are living at Buckingham Palace). I know it is hard to believe but when I went to school, class began by standing up when the teacher came in the room. He or she would say “good morning” to the class and the class would respond in the same way. At the end of the class, you would rise when the teacher left the room. No one said a word without raising their hand and being called on. No one talked to the person next to them. No one saved seats in the lunchroom to exclude other children from your table. And if you formed a clique and wouldn’t let people join you at your lunch table, the next day the teacher would be joining you for lunch.
Not only was there no bullying, no one even thought about it because you were so busy being well-mannered. If you so much as looked at someone cross-eyed, a note would be sent home to your parents and all hell would break loose. If you forgot your homework, your parents would know about it. And on and on and on. None of this happens anymore apparently. And that is why children are just as self-centered and rude as their parents. Because if it doesn’t start from the time children are little, it will never happen.
So if you are texting while you drive, pushing your way into lines, saving seats and engaging in the rudest, most selfish behaviors, trust me, your children will be just like you and the cycle will never end.
I know that blogging somethings results in tsunami of negative comments from readers but I hope that some or most of you will have the same or similar stories to tell about how the world has changed from one of deference, politeness and civility to one in which the person who pushes the hardest, shouts the loudest or always puts themselves first is the one who gains some sort of personal benefit. And you wonder why everyone is so frustrated, mad and upset all the time. Here’s to a sea change in the way we all view and treat others. Maybe it will change the world. One good deed, one “thank you” or one “excuse me” at a time.